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92. Tony's/Red Baron, et al.

Classification: Convenience

It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. And it's my wife's fault, but mostly my fault. We're just not very good at baking frozen pizzas. While there's probably not a lot at stake while prepping a standard-issue frozen, our collective lack of skill and attention turns this into a classic high risk/low reward dinner gambit, because something always seems to go wrong. If it's not burnt around the perimeter, it has improperly melted cheese biproduct at the core. That's not unusual for me, but wife is usually pretty handy around the kitchen. Her biggest drawback, however, is she inexplicably will go into slumps with certain foods. She's a master bread maker, but a while back, she lost her touch and everything just turned to a doughy lump. For years, she excelled at home-made pizza (which I will NOT be reviewing) but for no apparent reason, the crust stopped working properly, then the sauce turned out wrong, and then she couldn't get the baking time right, and I better just stop right there. My point is, when given little room for error, as a frozen pizza is wont to do, the absolute worst people to elevate its humble qualities would be either one of us. There will be a couple of exceptions to this syndrome coming up, but for now, I'm very sorry for being a major part of this problem, because in the right hands, it could rate an extra star or two. (2 of 10 stars.)

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